How To Be Evil, By Darth Baras
by Nocturniquette
Summary: Darth Baras's Apprentice needs to meet a certain requirement in the Sith Academy-evilness. Well...let's just say it's a little harder than it probably should be... CRACK!


Summary: Sith Warrior Arrenix isn't very good at being evil...enter his Master, Darth Baras who tries in vain to make his Apprentice somewhat competent at the art...PURE CRACK. I WAS BORED OK? Takes in place in the SW:TOR Online universe obviously.

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"...My Lord, no one is questioning his abilities as a fighter...we are questioning his ability to be evil." Lord Tovar said and the Sith Lord beside him nodded.

"Based on what grounds?" Lord Baras asked.

"He has a kitten named Fluffy sire." Lord Tovar pointed out.

Lord Baras paused, and actually stopped in midstep.

"And what planet did you say he hailed from?"

Lord Tovar and Lord Kremyln exchanged glances.

"Alderaan sire"

Lord Baras clapped his hands. "Ah! That explains it then."

"...Sire, are you going to do anything about it?" Lord Kremlyn questioned.

"Nope."

Both the advisors to Lord Baras looked at each other in total shock.

"But Sire!"

"I said no."

"But surely you see the need for change?" Lord Tovar tried in vain.

"I see the need for me to Force Lightning you in the face right now Lord Tovar."

Said Lord pale. After a minute of tension, Lord Baras sighed dramatically. "So he has to work a little harder at being evil. Doesn't mean he won't make a great Apprentice."

The two Sith Lord advisors glanced at each other warily.

"But surely the Emperor would disapprove...?" Lord Tovar tried one last time.

Lord Baras shook his head. "He isn't here is he?"

The other Lords shook their heads and sighed. And Baras wondered why no one would apply to be Sith Hopefuls anymore.

"Furthermore, my Apprentice shall be my agent of destruction against the Republic!" Baras said laughing evilly.

"Not if he joins them first..." Lord Kremlyn mumbled.

Lord Tovar sweatdropped. "My Lord, your missing the point..." he said.

"Nonsense." Baras declared. "Would you be so kind as to inform my new Apprentice that I wish to see him?"

Before they could open their mouths to politely decline and consequently die painfully, the door opened.

In stepped an Acolyte. And not just any Acolyte. It was Vemrin.

Lord Tovar let a small evil smile cross his ashen features.

"Ah...Acolyte Vemrin. I have an important task for you."

Vemrin folded his arms over his chest and impatiently waited for the Sith Lord to get on with it.

"I need you to go and get Lord Baras's new Apprentice and bring him here."

Vemrin didn't move. Lord Kremlyn frowned in annoyance.

"Are you deaf Acolyte? Lord Tovar gave you an order."

The redhead's eyes widened in shock and disbelief.

"He didn't choose me? But I've been here for years! I earned this!" Vemrin started yelling.

Lord Tovar leaned over to Lord Kremlyn and whispered in his ear. "He's a bit full of himself huh?"

"Pot, kettle Tovar."

"Touche, Kremlyn."

"...And I've worked hard for this so I should be the Apprentice!" Vemrin continued to rant.

"Oh for the love of God," Tovar deadpanned and Force Lightning'ed the redhead.

Soon the antechamber was filled with the glorious sounds of screaming.

After several seconds of fun time, Tovar stopped the attack and watched dispassionately as the Acolyte crumpled to the floor in a heap.

"Pathetic," he hissed in disdain.

"Are you willing to do our bidding now, boy?" Kremlyn asked.

Vemrin sniffed and wiped away a few stray tears off his cheek and nodded.

"Ha! I made this one cry! You owe me 100 credits." Tovar said grinning.

"...Goddamnit." Kremlyn muttered and reached into the small pocket on his utility belt and retrieved the currency.

"Don't spend it all in one place like you did last time." Kremyn remarked.

"Hey that Twi'lek was hot!" Tovar defended.

"...You do know that was her brother right?"

There was utter silence in the room.

Vemrin wisely decided to leave when he saw lightsabers being activated.

"That was not her brother! I can prove it!" Tovar said.

"Oh really? You were completely hopped up on juma juice. You wouldn't have noticed the difference if he'd been a bantha."

"You dare impune my honor?" Tovar yelled.

Kremlyn laughed. "Of course I do you stupid twit."

"Your mother!" Tovar replied.

"Oi! I thought we made a pact not to bring my mother up again!?" Kremlyn yelled and that was the last Vemrin heard before the door sealed itself shut behind him.

He started limping away from the room and headed toward the center room all the while thinking to himself.

So who was this mysterious Apprentice if it wasn't him?

Vemrin got to the central chamber of the Sith Academy and stopped, his temper automatically flaring.

It was him. Arrenix. The solid white hair, the deep silver blue eyes, and the cybernetic implants on both sides of his face were hard to miss.

Vemrin hated him. Now that he'd seen him, he couldn't just walk away and not do anything.

..And really, he couldn't resist rubbing it in the other Acolyte's face that he didn't make Apprentice either.

Swaggering over in his smug-attitude, Vemrin waited until Arrenix turned around.

When he did, Vemrin temporarily forgot what he was gonna say. Arrenix's eyes were startling so up close.

"Oh hi there Vemrin! Do you know where to find Darth Baras? He unfortunately didn't leave me any directions..." the white-haired male said frowning a little.

Vemrin's eyes darted to his lips before he shook his head. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Oh, that's a shame. I was hoping you could help me." he said cheerfully.

Nearby, a Sith Inquisitor stared at Arrenix in horror. This was the Sith Academy. On Korriban. No one was supposed to be cheerful here! It didn't fit the atmosphere of evil!

"Wait. What?" Vemrin started. He hadn't been paying attention.

"I need to find Darth Baras Vemrin."

And the redhead stared in shock at the younger male.

No. It couldn't be. No, no, no! He must've heard wrong. No way this...this...little nerf-herding gundark son of a Jedi was the new Apprentice!

But...why else would he be going to his chambers? his mind questioned.

Suddenly Vemrin smiled evilly. Nearby, a Sith Hopeful fainted.

"Sure, I know where he is."

Arrenix smiled.

"You see that long hallway, right in front of us?"

The cyborg nodded.

"Go down there and then turn right. Turn left when you get to the small fork in the hallway okay?" he said, his eyes shining.

Arrenix gave him another smile before walking away.

Vemrin laughed loud and hard after the cyborg left. What a moron. Everyone knew Baras's chambers were upstairs. This was glorious! Darth Baras was gonna be furious when Arrenix didn't show up on time.

Laughing more, Vemrin decided he'd rather wait in the office just to see the delicious fury Lord Baras was going to deliver to the cyborg when he eventually showed up.

The white-haired Sith walked down the hallway, looking around. Was he heading the right way? He hoped so. Vemrin wouldn't lie to him surely? Shaking his head, Arrenix came to the fork in the hallway and turned left just like Vemrin said and entered the room there.

He frowned. Why were there people behind those yellow shield thingies? Shaking his head, Arrenix was about to leave, when the Jailor called out to him.

"You the one Darth Baras sent here to retrieve this Twi'lek?"

The white-haired man switched his gaze to the yellow Twi'leki woman behind the shield. She raised her middle finger in a mocking salute. He blinked.

"It doesn't matter what your here for. Just take this mouthy damn Twi'lek and get out of here." Jailor Knash said.

"What am I supposed to do with her?" he asked curious.

Knash gave him a disturbing grin. "Anything you want kid." he said.

Arrenix nodded, thinking he got it. In the cage, Vette glared, the yellow skin on her cheeks turning purple.

"So you mean I can play chess with her?" he asked innocently.

Vette stared from her cage and blinked in surprise. Huh.

Knash stared at him as well. "...Not what I was talking about, but yeah kid. Anything you want."

Arrenix nodded.

"Oh! Before I forget, you'll need this to keep her in line." Knash handed the cyborg a remote control unit.

Quizzically, he studied it. It was metal and cool to the touch. It wasn't very large; it fit into the palm of his hand. It was silver in color and it's most distinguishing characteristic was the gigantic red button in the center of it.

"Press that button kid and you'll light her up like a box of fireworks." the Jailor said laughing.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Arrenix pressed the button.

Vette yelled out in pain as the shock collar around her throat activated. She glared at the cyborg after it was done.

Knash laughed. "Haha! Good one kid! You'll make a fine Sith yet!" But Arrenix wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked downright upset.

He didn't say anything however and simply nodded.

Vette frowned. Normally the Sith would be laughing at her misery right about now...but this one looked down right angry. The Twi'lek watched him warily, unsure of how he would react.

She wisely kept her mouth shut.

Vette found herself staring at her new "Master." The solid white hair and the silver blue eyes, the cybernetic implants on his face, and the creamy skin...well she supposed she could've gotten an ugly one.

Arrenix in turn, studied her. She was pretty. Her skin was a golden yellow hue with her lekku being purple at the tips which matched her eyes. He liked her already.

"Follow me please," Arrenix said politely and walked out of the Prison Block.

Stunned, Vette followed him.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To see Darth Baras." Arrenix replied.

Behind him, Vette's pretty purple eyes widened.

She didn't reply. She could see in the way that he was carrying himself that he was upset about something.

Twenty minutes later, Arrenix found Baras's chambers.

Walking in, he found two Sith Lords sitting in hard uncomfortable plastic chairs in separate corners glaring at each other petulantly and Vemrin on the floor groaning in agony.

"Vemrin?" he queried.

A low groan. "Vemrin, are you okay?" he asked, silver blue eyes looking him over. It looked like someone burned him with something hot.

Another low groan, which weirdly enough sounded exactly like rapid cursing.

"Do you need help?" he asked. Lord Tovar choked in the background. Lord Kremlyn started crying. This was the end of the Sith, he just knew it!...His mother had always wanted him to be a Jedi...surely it wasn't too late to switch sides?

Everyone stared at the white-haired cyborg.

Lord Baras sighed. It would seem he would have to do a little more work than he thought...

Vemrin growled and slapped away the hand of the cyborg. "Go away you stupid bastard."

The younger male shrugged and backed away.

Vemrin stumbled and would have fallen to the floor if Arrenix hadn't caught him around the waist.

Vette immediately noticed the blush on the redheaded Acolyte's face as he came face-to-face with the white-haired Apprentice. She wasn't the only one who noticed.

Darth Baras had also noticed and paused, staring at the two. They weren't...were they?

"There you go," Arrenix said smiling.

Vette smirked to herself as Vemrin's blush deepened. The cyborg didn't appear to have noticed Vemrin's facial condition.

"Let go me you idiot!" Vemrin growled, pointedly ignoring everyone else in the room.

"Oh! Right! Sorry." Arrenix said and stepped back. He was still smiling.

"Would you stop smiling at me already!?" Vemrin shouted not even a minute later. Why was this cyborg getting to him? Why was he suddenly noticing every little thing the damn man did!?

The white-haired Sith frowned suddenly. Vemrin frowned as well, but for a different reason.

"...Is smiling not considered evil?" he asked.

Vemrin rolled his eyes. "Not in the context your doing it in moron!" Vemrin snapped.

"...I'm smiling in context?" he asked confused. Vette was the only one who saw Arrenix look away, a mischievous twinkle in his silver-blue eyes. Her smirk widened. Maybe this new Master of hers wouldn't be so bad after all...

Vemrin threw his arms up toward the ceiling. "Dear Emperor, you are such a fucking idiot!" he screamed.

Arrenix's frown deepened. "Your the one that's speaking in riddles," he pointed out.

Vemrin released a yell of frustration so loud, that the people waiting outside were each wondering what sort of torture the poor soul inside was being exposed to.

"Shut up." Vemrin said. Arrenix opened his mouth to respond, but the redhead beat him to it. "Just shut up." he said.

The cyborg's head tilted to the side.

"Enough. The both of you." Darth Baras said. He had seen far more than he had wanted too.

The two young men each turned to him at the same time. The Sith Lord fought the urge to shiver. That had just been creepy.

He realized that his Apprentice had brought along some company.

"Ah, I see you brought along the prisoner I was going to send you to fetch." he said.

Vemrin gaped at him, then at Arrenix, then back to him.

Arrenix smiled, before quickly frowning. "Yes, Apprentice?" Darth Baras asked, feeling slightly worried for some odd reason.

"Why does she have a shock collar? It hurts her." he said.

Behind him, Vette's eyes widened in shock. The redhead beside him fared no better.

"Your worried about a prisoner?!" Vemrin yelled in disbelief, before Darth Baras could respond.

Baras paused. How to respond...

Clearing his throat in sudden nervousness, Baras answered the question. "She was caught trying to infiltrate the Academy. She resisted." There, that should be fine.

The cyborg's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Baras coughed. "Uh...she doesn't need the collar does she?" he asked Lord Tovar and Lord Kremlyn.

They both paled when the cyborg's eyes swiveled to them, still narrowed.

Vemrin watched the scene in surprise.

"N-no M-Milord. I s-see no r-reason why she s-should have it on." Tovar stuttered.

Arrenix's eyes were still slitted and still unhappy.

"Take it off." he ordered. Tovar blinked before looking at Baras in desperation.

Baras nodded. Tovar felt a tear trickle down his cheek. What did he do to deserve this? Oh yeah, he killed about a hundred innocent people last month on that one planet on that one mission with those one people.

Tovar wandered over to Vette who eyed him suspiciously. Arrenix's eyes followed every movement the Sith Lord made.

Tovar glanced behind him and nearly yelped in surprise when the cyborg's face was nearly touching his he was so close.

"Off. Now." Arrenix growled.

Vemrin stared, slack-jawed at the scene before him. What in the almighty blue friggin hell was going on around here!?

He was saved from saying anything stupid by the snap of the shock collar falling from Vette's throat.

The Twi'lek blinked in shock for a moment before she reached up hesitantly and touched her now free neck.

She turned toward her "Master" and smiled the first true smile she had in a long time.

"Thank you Master." she said and received a happy smile from the cyborg in return.

Arrenix then turned toward the Sith Masters, who immediately cringed and then tried to look nonchalant after the fact.

"Thank you Lord Tovar for your generous help here today." he said politely.

Lord Tovar ran away screaming while everyone else turned and stared.

"Now, if it's not too much trouble, I do believe that I will begin exploring the Tombs located around the Academy and consequently find things that you want me to. Is that sufficient Master Baras?"

Darth Baras nodded, completely speechless.

And together, Arrenix and Vette left Baras's Office Of Evil, leaving the stunned Sith behind.

Baras stroked his chin and then cackled madly. Vemrin slowly and carefully edged away from the Sith Lord and toward the door. When it appeared Baras was lost in his thoughts, Vemrin opened the door and ran like hell.

Baras cackled again and said aloud to the now empty room, "And to think that the other Lords thought my Apprentice needed to learn how to be evil!"

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And that's it folks! I know I should be updating my Teen Titans fanfic, but this story has been sitting on my hard drive completed for a while, and well, I needed to post it. Hope you all enjoyed the cracktastic journey that my mind has led you on. XD


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